 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
:MOOD: FULL OF PRIDE
:SONG: VIVIAN GREENE- GOTTA GO, GOTTA LEAVE
*PRIDE 2005*
THIS WAS MY VERY FIRST NYC PRIDE IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO POPPIN. I NEVER SEEN SO MANY DAMN GAY PEOPLE. EVERYONE LOOKED GOOD. NAKED GIRLS EVERY WHERE. I HAD SO MUCH FUN BESIDE THE FACT THAT MY GIRL WAS ACTIN A ASS BUT I'M NOT EVEN GOING INTO THAT ... EVEN SHE COULDN'T RUIN MY DAMN PRIDE AND SHE MANAGES TO RUIN EVERYHING THAT I ENJOY. I WENT TO THE PARADE, THAN CHILLED IN THE PIER THAN TO THE VILLE WHERE IT WAS SO MANY DAMN PEOPLE ON THE RADIO THEY SAID THAT 230,000 PEOPLE WENT. I HONESTLY THINK THERE WAS MORE THAN THAT. YOU COULDN'T MOVE AT ALL. AS ALWAYS I SEEN PEOPLE I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE EX'S THINGS OF THAT NATURE THAN I SEEN MY COUSIN WHO I AIN'T SEEN IN A YEAR THAT WAS POPPIN CUS I MISSED HER ASS.
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW MY SHORTY WANTED TO ACT AN ASS ON PRIDE ALL THEM DAMN GIRLS... SHE COULDVE EASILY BEEN REPLACE, I DIDN'T GET ANY NUMBERS I FELT THAT WOULDVE BEEN DISRESPECTFUL TO HER BUT I DID GIVE MY NUMBERS... SO WE WILL SEE.
Posted at 02:56 pm by SensualRainbow
*YoU WeRe SaYiNg?*
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
MOOD: UGH... FEMALES
SONG: TREY SONGZ- JUST GOTTA MAKE IT
*Update Tyme*
I had fun this weekend. I was up in Baltimore Pride chillen. I'm going home tomorrow, *I think*. It don't matter tho. My girl is actin up... like fa real, fa real this time makin me wanna pop her. I mean i can't blame her if she went away to another state and went to thier pride around all them girls I would be showin my ass too. But she doesn't know how to show emotions. When she gets jelous she won't come out and say it, she'll get sacastic and cocky and act like she don't care.
UGH... FEMALES
We argued my whole stay here. I know why we arugin. This is our very first argument since we started talkin again so it's pretty much to see who wears the pants in this relationship. Rite now we booth got a good grip on them. I keep teelin her, i'm Ej damnit. Ain't no female gonna talk to me how they want to. But she keep testin me...
...AnyWays...
I don't even want to go to nyc pride anymore... girlfriends pissin me off and stuff. My cousin ain't commin back with me i mean damn, imma get back to ny and be pissed the hell off. I gotta go to my friend graduation thursday and i gotta go to work. So i need to be gettin on that bus tomorrow, but i'm feelin real blah about going back home to nothing and a girlfriend with an attitude.
Posted at 12:44 am by SensualRainbow
*YoU WeRe SaYiNg?*
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
MOOD: BLAH
SONG: BLAH
...I AM TIERD...
Of that girl {My girlfriend}. I am sooooo tierd of babysittin other peoples children. I need me an old head. Not old like 40 old but 25 and older- old. Damn. Yesterday I had to literally go to her house, pick her and her best friend up {she doesn't do anything by herself}, take them to the mall, than i filled out applications for her. Than in about a week I will remind her to call all the places that didn't call her back and I will probably end up calling for her. {Something is so wrong with this picture.}
Last night in the car she caught an attitude because I wouldn't let her hear the song she wanted to hear first. Than I wouldn't let out the car. I drove to the river and parked the car so we could talk. She understands now that I am not the passive girl she was with last year. I changed and obviously she did not. I don't put up with people hissy fits. Yesterday I earlied all that unnessisary b.s.
...But this is what got me tight...
We was in the car at the river and I'm not letting her be mad. I keep messin with her being silly, spittin the G, puttin on the charm. But her phone would not stop ringing. It does that all the damn time. It's like permently attached to her ear. I hate that. Even though most of the time when we are together and her phone rings I noticed she will mention who it is. She'll be like damn why is so and so callin me or what does so and so want. *Anywho* I was like let me see your phone. She pretended not to hear me. I keep asking and she ask's why. I honestly don't like playin games or lying when it comes to things pertaining to us and our relationship. So I was like because I want to look through your recent call list. {I am an Aries, what can I say... We are blunt}. She asks me why again. I told her straight up Because i wanna see who you been calling and who's calling you. {Ej doesn't like games}
This is when she starts testing my intellegence. She figets with her phone looks through the recent call list deletes some numbers than gives me the phone like here. Plays me like i didn't just see her delete the numbers than lies to me and tells me she didn't when i bring it up. I laugh it off though. Tell her that i trust that she wouldn't be doing anything stupid. Keep enphasizing it.
This is how I feel today. Tierd and worn out but I know later on or tomorrow she'll look at me a certain way, or touch me a certain way or say something that makes me smile and i'm right back at that stage where i think This isn't so bad.
Love is a b-i-t-c-h.
Posted at 06:53 pm by SensualRainbow
*YoU WeRe SaYiNg?*
*THE GAYS ARE COMMIN, THE GAYS ARE COMMIN!*
:MOOD: CHILLAXIN
:SONG: ANTHONY HAMILTON- CHARLENE
PRIDE IZ DEFINETLY ON IT'S WAY
AWW MAN...I am going to Baltimore for the weekend just so I can hit up thier PRIDE I got the cute lil outfit and the whole 9 I am sooo ready.
Than the next weekend is NYC PRIDE...Every gay, lesbian and trangender in the tristate area (and a few tourist) are going to be thier, anybody who is anybody is going. Don't mind me, I'm just gassed.
<.<.<.AnYwHo>.>.>.
This weekend was cute, I had the crazy Hotel party on friday night. It was my friend's prom night and she didn't want to go so we dipped off to the Telly and got tWiStEd. Than sunday we went to the Pre-Pride parade that was in the next town over. It was aight being that we was the youngest people there. We had fun tho. Than we drove around with Puerto Rican Flags acting a fool, driving up and down the streets beepin our horns and screaming "puerto Rico" being that sunday was the parade.
Posted at 01:38 pm by SensualRainbow
*YoU WeRe SaYiNg?*
Thursday, June 09, 2005
MOOD: FEELIN PRETTY GAY TODAY
SONG: FANTASIA- FREE YOURSELF
...WASTIN TIME...
I get off work in a half an hour. Writing will pass the time until i leave this hell hold. Let's see...
...TRUSTIN MY GIRL... FOR THE SECOND TIME....
Is it possible to love someone you don't trust. Sure it is. It's not a good feelin though. I was talkin to my shorty for about an hour, than at... let say...6:58 she goes let me call you back. I get off the phone like aight. I don't think anything of it, than i look at the time. At 7:oo her minutes are free. So it could be just a coincidence or she could be on her phone rite now jones'n wit some brooklyn hood rat. Lovin someone you can't trust turns you into every females (and males) nightmare. The angry lover. Thats the girls you see fightin in the middle of the street, scapping hard because this one called my girl or ex's wont stop calling, knocking chicks in the head with bottles over he-said-she-said non-sence. I told her I would always be the bonnie to her clyde but if i catch her in her infidelities again (yea it happened before) I'll definetly turn into her very own Loraina Bobbet.
Than again, maybe it's me. I know what I'm capable of doing or did (but thats another post), so I can't stop accusing her. She knows I'm crazy tho. She knows she makes me crazier and if she knows whats g00d for her she'll keep her tounge in her mouth and leave those hoodrats alone.
**OFF SUBJECT**
Friends and Lover- Friend call my job today out of the blue. I wish she didn't exist. Harsh words but it's the truth. What was between us was just... sex. Get over me damn.... LOL nah but for really I have a girl, not just any random female but the one that I wanted since i forever. First it's calls out of the blue than it's showin up at my job unannounced I know how her(friends and lovers friend) mind opperates and I ain't wit it.
**How did she get my job number anyway?
Posted at 07:49 pm by SensualRainbow
*YoU WeRe SaYiNg?*
RANDON QUESTIONS I BORROWED
i took this from someone Xanga page....
It looked somewhat interesting
LAYER ONE
Name: Erica a.k.a EJ
Birthdate: MARCH 27, 1986
Birthplace: BRONX, NY
Grew up in: BRONX, NY, AN NEWBURGH, NY
Current Location: NBNY!!! HUSTLE OR DIE!! (LOL)
Eye Color: DARK BROWN
Hair Color: BROWN,
Righty or Lefty: RIGHTY
Zodiac Sign: ARIES, THE RAM ALL DAY!
LAYER TWO: On The Inside
Shoes you wore today: CHINESSE SLIPPERS
Your weaknesses: MY GIRL
Your fears: LOOSING SOMEONE I LOVE
Pizza: EXTRA CHEESE AND PINEAPPLE AND CHICKEN
Your most overused phrase: "WORD TO ME...."
Last thoughts before sleep: WHAT I AM WEARING THE NEXT DAY
Your thoughts first waking up: " WHAT TIME IS IT?" OR "DAMN I KNOW I OVERSLEPT"
What day is it? THURSDAY
Your best feature: MY EYES... THEY R HYPNOTIZING (LOL)
Your worst feature: MY BUTT, I COULD USE A LIL MORE
Your bedtime: AFTER I TALK TO MY GIRL FOR THE NIGHT
Your pet peeves: LYERZ grrrrr....
Your most missed memory: FAMILY COOK-OUTS N CHILLEN WITH MY COUSINS
LAYER THREE: Your Pick
Coke or Pepsi: HMMM... DR. PEPPER ALL DAY
McDonald's or Burger King: I LIKE BURGER KING BETTER.
Single or group dates: SINGLE (BETTER THINGS HAPPEN ALONE!)
Adidas or Nike: NIKES
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: LIPTON ICE TEA
Chocolate or vanilla: CHOCOLATE
Cappuccino or coffee: NIETHER I LIKE HOT TEA
LAYER FOUR: Do You...?
Cuss: YES
Sing: onli in da shower
Take a shower everyday: HELL YEA
Have a crush(es): UMM.... YEAH
Think you've been in love: UMM... YEA
Liked high school: ONLY AFTER I GRADUATED
Believe in yourself: FO SHO,
Get motion sickness: NO
Think you're attractive: YER, I'M A SEXY AZS FEMALE I CAN'T LIE *SMILIN*
Think you're a health freak: HELL NAH
Get along with your parents: NOT OFTEN
Like thunderstorms: I LOVE THUNDERSTORMS,
Play an instrument: NO BUT I WOULD LIKE TOO
LAYER FIVE: In the past month have you...
Drank alcohol: YEP
Gone to the mall: ALOT MORE THAN I NEEDED TOO
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: HELL NO... WELL... THERE WAS THAT ONE TIME
Eaten sushi: NO
Gone skating: WHEN I WAS YOUNGER
Been on stage: YEA
Been dumped: NOPE
Gone skinny dipping: NOT YET, IT'S IN MY BEFORE I DIE PLANS
Dyed your hair: YEA LT. BROWN
Stolen anything: UM.... NO COMMENT
LAYER SIX: Ever...
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: UMMM...YEA
Been called a tease: WHO ME? NAH.... (SMILIN)
LAYER SEVEN: Getting Older
Age you hope to be married: WHEN I FIND MY WIFE
Describe your dream wedding: I DON CARE AS LONG AS IT LAST, IT CAN BE IN A BACKYARD
How do you want to die: DAMN...TALK ABOUT REALITY
What do you want to be when you grow up: A LESBIAN LOL, NAH...PUBLISIST FOR FAMOUS MUSICANS
What country would you most like to visit: AFRICA AND HELP THEM OUT
Number of CDs that I own: WOW... WAT A DUMB QUESTION
Number of tattoos: 1 VERY SEXY ONE
Number of times my name has appeared in a Newspaper/Magazine: ZERO
Number of scars on my body: NEVER COUNTED
Posted at 05:43 pm by SensualRainbow
*YoU WeRe SaYiNg?*
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
MOOD: SOMEWHERE IN LOVE
SONG: DESTINY'S CHILD CATER TO YOU
=================
* S M I L I N *
=================
Ej is happy today boy. I spent yesterday... all of yesterday with my girlfriend. I woke up, took a shower went to her house and enjoyed the beautiful new york day with her. I helped her with some homework (even tho economics isn't my expertise) and we just c h i l l e d. We went window shopping, out to eat and I even spent time with her godson. We we went back to her crib and did all the things that lovers do, over and over and over. Awww man....
===========================================
* I a m o f f i c a l l y o p e n *
===========================================
There were no suspious phone calls from faceless girls on her phone... well not that I know of. You never no with her. But it was just me and her , her and I working to reconstruct what we had, something that came so natural to us yesterday. I was lookin all sexy wit my Ralf Lauren skirt and my Le Tigre shirt trying to do it up for her.
IT'S EJ... MANYE!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...S T I L L S M I L I N G...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Posted at 04:41 pm by SensualRainbow
*YoU WeRe SaYiNg?*
Monday, June 06, 2005
ALLOW ME TO REINTRODUCE MYSELF
MOOD: HMM... GET BACK TO ME
SONG: ASHANTI- DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE
:...UPDATE...:
I know i been M.I.A (MISSIN IN ACTION) for a lil minute. But i am back and here to update.
Last week i was in Baltimore for memorial day weekend that turned into a week stay. I definetly wasn't trying to come back home but I had to be in ny with my girl and keep her out of trouble.
Things with us are doing ok. I mean it's not bad but it's not what i expected. It's alot of work trying to mend a broken relationship. I keep asking myself is it worth it. Rite now... it is.
...Club Night...
Friday we found ourselves at the Karate Club again. The karate club is not my scene. They don't I.D. so children of all ages come in there. Thats my girls type of party even though we are the same age, she loves the kids. Me on the other hand I'd rather be in 18 or older parties. *ANYWAYS* She started hanging out with her partner in crime again. The same girl who was the reason we broke up in the first place. Well not the reason, but she is a constant reminder of all the drama that went down last year. Nothing good EVER comes out of them two together. I don't know what to do about that. I told my girl exactly what I am writing now. She laughed it off, told me that was mean and kept bringing it up like... why would you say that?
Sometimes being gay doesn't always mean happy. Maybe the reason why homosexuality is not in the bible is because it's dangerous, the connection between the same sex is too intense because sometimes i feel i can go crazy trying to get her to act rite.
When it comes to her, i be that down ass chick that everyone claims they want. I'll be the perfect girlfriend. I do destiny's child thing and run her bath water, cook, clean, fix her du rag whatever. But i won't do it for someone who I know won't return the favor.
This is the thing, she's still a child. I'm ready for grown up realtions and she's still writing down on a piece of paper: Will you go out with me? check a box. She has no job and is not looking, can't seem to graduate highschool. While I'm about to have two jobs. She talks about being broke and needing money but the thought of getting a job doesn't even cross her mind. She is 19 and a job to her is a possibilty not a nesessity. And even with all the negatives... ALL THESE NEGATIVES, I still do love her. Love is a b-i-t-c-h.
HOW DO YOU TEACH SOMEONE ELSE TO FEND FOR THEMSELVES WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO IT YOURSELF?
Posted at 03:39 pm by SensualRainbow
*YoU WeRe SaYiNg?*
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
mood: happy
song: ginuwine- love you more
TODAY... TUESDAY MAY 24, 2005
I finally gave into temptation. Case-of-the-ex and I are a couple... again.
Posted at 07:04 pm by SensualRainbow
*YoU WeRe SaYiNg?*
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Mood: indecisive
Song: ashanti- don't let them
= = = = = = =
::UpDaTe tImE::
= = = = = = =
I told myself I wasn't going to write again until Case of the Ex and I was a couple again. At this particular moment in time I don't know where we stand.
...Thursday may 12...
Was her birthday. I chilled with her something like the whole day, kinda skipped work just to chill. She asked me back out also, wrote on a piece of ripped off paper "Will you go out with me" with 3 boxes yes, no and maybe. First thought, it was from my favorite movie, Brown Sugar (you know at the end when taye diggs and sanaa lathan are in the radio station). It was a thought that was quickly eliminated. I knew she wasn't that damn romantic. But i guess i was wrong because she said thats where she got it from. *smilin* and I still said I don't know. My heart wanted to say yes, but my mind told me don't make commitments before you know facts. How can you trust someone if you don't know whats going on inside thier head?
...My weekend...
Friday May 13, what wouldve been our 16 month aniversary if the past somehow changed itself. We went to this club in Harlem... The Karate Club. It was poppin, I can't lie. The ladies and studs were looking very much on point,and so was my heart. So many times I wanted to steal a kiss from her but I had to remind myself, we are not together. Like she said she did her part, it was on me. but we danced all night long. got home at 6 in the morning and my partner in crime and I knocked out. We chilled pretty much every day since than. If we didn't chill we tied up our phone lines til 2 sometimes 3 in the morning talking about things that need to be said in order for us, well for me to move on. yet I'm still somewhat skeptical.
...Last night...
The reason why I don't know where we stand is because of last night. Last night made it a month since we started chillen all the time like this. A month of sexual tention so thick you could cut it with a steak knife. I tried, we both tried to contain it but last night it was sufficating. I don't even know what happend but all i remember is us walking to the bedroom and the rest of our party staying behind.
I don't regret it, I knew where it was going to put us but at that time saying no was not even an option. I would've walk to brooklyn for cheesecake lastnight if she asked me to. Sex with an ex only confuses your relationship. Great sex with an ex messes up your mind fa real, fa real. It's like opening Pandora's Box. Last night i told her "you know i'm not going to be able to leave you alone now". That lil escapade took away my choice.
...The after-effects...
The after effects hit me this morning. I couldn't stop thinking about all the birds that occupied her time (and bed) while we were apart for those 8 months. Last night I was able to surpress those thoughts, because i wasn't thinkin rationally. I kept tellin myself "well she's with me now" but today it wasn't that easy. I'm not stressin it though, I am but i'm not.
ANYWAYS ...
I done wrote more than enough, sorry to bore u guys to death with my love affairs. I'll halla I guess.
Posted at 04:47 pm by SensualRainbow
*YoU WeRe SaYiNg?*
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
|
|
